When I bump into someone I haven’t seen in a long time, they always notice Kai and then yes, there’s that inevitable question: “When are you going to have another?” or that comment, “It’s time for you to give him a little brother (or sister). And each time I hear that, I swear to you in my head, I’m saying, “Who are you to tell me when I should have another kid?”
I have friends telling me “sundi nana” (It’s time for you to have another kid). It’s not even them asking me when I’m going to have another baby- it’s flat-out telling me to do it! Seriously, it’s annoying. But this post is not about ranting on how irritating these people can be. This post is about the truth on what I really think about having another baby.
Do I really need to give birth to another child?
The answer is YES. And we have talked about it. We like the idea of having more chaos in the household. Kai has brought so much joy into this house that we think having more would seem extra fun.
I would contradict myself for writing the word “fun” because motherhood is not all fun and games. There’s the frustration, fears, disappointment and losing your temper. There’s also worrying about the kid’s future and making sure he grows up into a decent human being. But even with all that, we just can’t deny how wonderful it feels to listen to their laughter, have your name called by the sweet voice, follow their milestones and see how they have grown from a newborn to a hyperactive toddler.
I grew up telling everyone I am an only child and that’s because I was told to do that and because I lived most of my childhood as one.
The only family I knew then was my mom, my stepdad and the “brothers” from another mother, our neighbor, the Dalmans. My mom and biological dad have big families but I’m not close to any of them until just recently (thanks to Facebook). Long story short, I got reunited with one of my older brothers and older sisters and they are now living with my again-single mom (Yes, I have a complicated family, I won’t go into the details).
Ivan’s family, on the other hand, is quite big and he’s close to them. His mom and dad have been married for decades and you can see the spark hasn’t died. My partner has shared many memories with his grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins and he gets to see them occasionally.
I used to think I don’t want to have many kids because I think being an only child is awesome.
I never thought I’d want a kid in the first place because I don’t like them. I still don’t; I just love my own. But after having Kai, my views about family changed. We see him playing all by himself and we think it must be lonely (although, I’m pretty sure he’s enjoying his playtime alone). We see how his eyes light up when his cousin Nice is around because that means he gets to play crazy. His older sister Chelsea rarely comes to see him, but if she does, he’s delighted. That’s when we would think about having more.
But the truth is, we’re not there yet. It has something to do with money. It’s not that we really can’t afford to have another one at the moment, it’s just that we don’t want to spend more. Another thing, which is a big thing for me, is that I don’t want to give my attention to another human being. Sounds selfish, but I want to love only Kai at the moment. I’m not sure how I can equally love two, or even more little ones because as far as I know, I LOOOOOOOVE Kai with all of my being. I wonder, can I love even more?
Don’t get me wrong, though. If a tiny seed will be planted, it would be great news. That means I get to relive the nightmarish (kidding!) pregnancy I had. So do I want to go through hell again and suffer for nine months? Yes, I’d gladly do it. It’s going to be a big headache, I know, but nothing compares to the joys of getting hugs, kisses and “I love you’s” from your little one. Yes, we want another baby, but no, not now. Someday, at the right time, we will — so don’t you ever tell me I should be having another one immediately!
[Featured Image by Paul Goyette/Wikimedia Commons]